Monday, 3 October 2016

Turn being Judged in to positive learning!

We all get judged rightly or wrongly at some point in our lives, but it's how you judge yourself that mater's to me, I always ask myself if I could do better. I never prejudge others as there is always something behind their actions and behaviours. I forgive them if they hurt me, but it's only them that can forgive themselves for their actions.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

I have been judged many times for what I do sometimes unfairly, but I would never judge others with out getting all the facts, then I would make an informed judgement on the information at that time. We can make errors, as long as we are honest with others and ourselves that's what mater. If we were all perfect life would be boring and we wouldn't learn, not understanding is not knowing, so learn and get to know someone before you judge them!
We all have to make judgements in life, for positive reasons rather than the negative, constructive criticism can be a positive if used in the right content. 

I was lucky enough a few years ago to be involved in a major oil service companies, lessons learned data base where, the workers and managers, clients etc, all came together to judge a project, they judged themselves rather than anyone else  and captured the lesson's they learned, so they could pass them on. Funny thing was most of the time, new project managers didn't read them before they started their own project, This lead me to giving a workshop highlighting missed lessons from projects years back, and it raised a few eye brows as how could someone who wasn't an engineer highlight this, very simple. I took time to read the notes!

This made me look at the lessons we learn in life and how we can implement them in the present moment. very often we get that funny feeling in our guts we have missed something or we should of done something, In today's busy lives we need to take that time out to judge ourselves on what we are doing, does it fit with your core values? Can we do it better? Who can I get to check my work? Am I confident in asking for a review? Has this been done before? Where will I get the information? and so on.

When we have a dream and want to turn it into a goal, We can look at the lessons learned from others, read do research and ask others, its a sign of strength  not weakness. Learn from others failures as well as successes.

If you have a dream

Don't wait for some distant day to come,
it may be too late before you've even begun.
Not everyone will agree with all you decide.
Be true to yourself first and foremost.

The only important thing in life is what you do
with the time you spend here on Earth.
Don't be afraid to follow your desires,
they are not silly nor selfish.

Take the time and do what makes you feel alive.
Leave your fears and regrets in the past,
for this is where they belong.
Don't cloud today with things that can't be undone.
You have no more control over yesterday or tomorrow,
than you do the raging of your passions.

Do not quiet these dreams nor quench your desires.
For if you do, your journey is ended.
You have only today to begin anew and follow your dreams.

For in the end all we have are our memories.
When the twilight comes to us, let there be,
No excuses, no explanations, no regrets!


When we do judge ourselves and we think, we are a failure, STOP and try this!

Am I a Failure checklist?

This checklist will help you decide if you are a certified failure!
It is also an example of the way coaching offers new thoughts and perspectives and is a tool I often use in my coaching as it seems most everyone has a fear of failure!


• Do you feel like a failure?

• Does feeling like a failure mean that you are a failure?

• Can you learn without failing?

• Does failing at something you do, make you a failure as a person?

• Can you think of anyone who has never failed at anything?

• Did you try and fail?

• If you have tried and failed (ie. the outcome was not what you expected) does that mean …
 you have tried and failed at something or does that mean you're a failure as a person?

• Isn't a failure someone who never tries?

• Are you a hero rather than a failure?

• Do you agree with the statement?

“A hero is someone who rides out to battle, is defeated and returns home victorious?”

“Success is going from failure to failure without loss in enthusiasm.”
Sir Winston Churchill

Now that you have judged yourself not as a failure. One of the tools I give my clients is.

Letter from the Future

Write a letter from the future, describing what your life is like now that you have achieved your goals successfully. Do it for each goal address it to yourself with the date that it is to be achieved. Tell yourself in detail how your life looks, feels, and who you have become as a person at the time of achieving your goal. Remember to write down what you need in your life as much as you want and take your time.

This is a great tool to have fun with and it helps you see, that you can achieve in your mind and heart give it ago. If you need help have a look at having a Life coaching session.

What Can Life Coaching Do For You?

Life Coaching is all about making you happier by changing the things that make you sad. I will coach you by phone/Skype/MSN/ or face to face usually once a week, and for a 45 minute session. Some people have one session; some have a course of 4 or 10. Others stay with me for many months, lowering frequency as their goals and progress become clearer. I also do a Life coaching workshop where we go over the process over a whole day or four 2 hour sessions.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

During our sessions, I will work with you to turn problems statements into solution statements, to develop plans to move you towards your goals, and to maintain your focus and positive motivation to get you there. My professional coaching training allows me to move quickly to route out the key issues we should work on, and to find out those things about you which can untie the knots, and free you up to make the progress you've dreamed of for so long.

You'll always be in control, but I'll always be looking out for your best interests, bringing my professional skills and personal passion to bear in moving your life to the one you really deserve. I will ask you to sign your own contract to yourself where you turn your goals in to projects and you will have already started the process for change in your life.

“If one advances confidently in the direction of one’s dreams, and endeavour’s to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Thoreau

Thank you for taking the time to read this please feel free to share.